bash.org archive

<@Zen> So Sean's toaster has two settings:
<@Zen> toast
<@Zen> and bagel.
<@Zen> But it's not a switch/
<@Zen> It's a dial.
<@Zen> So I guess if your bread is 60% bagel
<@Zen> this toaster can handle it.

<MTrez> ok, about 1 million of my potential children just got
introduced to some downy tissue, so im gonna sleep now, im
tired

<Nichole> at what point do you cross that line from "seeing
someone" to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status
<RobbiePaul> After he starts hitting you
<Nichole> fist or open handed?

<osseh> i have a twin pack of garlic bread in the freezer
<osseh> on the packet it says "contains 18 servings"
<osseh> 18 servings from 2 garlic breads?! what the fuck
<osseh> does it come with a mini jesus inside

<BlazeHedgehog> Cripes. ANYTHING is innuendo nowadays
<BlazeHedgehog> "I had a glass of milk." "WHOA GOOD JOB, HOW
WAS SHE?"
<BlazeHedgehog> "No. I mean, I poured milk into a glass and
drank it." "You sure did!"

HitMan: have you ever played that game "Taboo" ?
Spanky: nope
Spanky: don't think I've ever heard of it
HitMan: oh, well there's teams of two people, and you have a
card that has
a word on it, and you have to make your partner guess the
word.  but
there's 5 words you're not allowed to say
Spanky: oh. it's like that stupid gameshow that used to be on
a
million years ago
HitMan: so we were playing that tonight, and I was teamed with
my buddy
Matt, and the word was "pornography" ... so first thing I say
is "what you
masturbate to"
HitMan: he replies "Hillary Duff!"

<Raven> spread the word of jesus my brother
<Jonesy> j----e---s----u---s

<komputes> I'm on a unix based operating system which means i
get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer
<marky-b> same, but i run windows

<+t4D> man. i think its time to bring the coffee maker into
the bedroom
<+ScratXP> You may be moving too  fast
<+ScratXP> take it to a movie first

<Jeffrey> So I started work today at Cox Communications.
<Jeffrey> Direct quote from Cox Communications, mission
statement.
<Jeffrey> "For Cox, it's not about being the biggest; it's
about being the best."
<Vann> ...I feel a t-shirt coming on.

<+Velcant> My dad just wandered off to buy 50 meters of
wireless LAN cable. Good luck to him.

<DJTodd> Which is gayer? Pokemon or Pro Wrestling?
<LarsC> wrestling.
<Amoeba> Wrestling.
<jt`> wrestling.
<[prone]> wrestling.

<friedegg>          _.---._    /\
<friedegg>       ./'       "--`//
<friedegg>     ./              o
<friedegg>   ././  )______   __
<friedegg> ./   / /     | |   7
<friedegg>       "     "    "  "
<friedegg>          _.---._    /\
<friedegg>       ./'       "--`//
<friedegg>     ./              o
<friedegg>   ././  )______   __
<friedegg> ./   / /     | |   7
<friedegg>       "     "    "  "
<b|ubeard> eek
<friedegg> shhh
<friedegg> i'm observing wildlife

<Nookadum> I need to learn html can anyone help?
<Blar> Sure. Just put this on your webpage and when you go
there a cool editor for it will come up - N<br>o<BR>o<BR>k<BR>
a<BR>d<BR>u<BR>m<BR><BR>S<BR>u<BR>c<BR>k<BR>s<BR><BR>C<BR>o
<BR>c<BR>k.
<Nookadum> Thanks.
* Nookadum has quit IRC (Quit: Off to work on my webpage. ^-^)
Some time later.
* Nookadum has joined #Megatokyo
<Nookadum> Hey! Fuck you!
<Blar> Alright. I forgot to tell you, you have to press F4 for
it to work. That message is just protecting the secret of the
editor.
<Nookadum> Oh.. Alright.
* Nookadum has quit IRC (Connection reset by client)

<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<+crystalis> un-tss
<@d1sturb3d> wtf?
<+crystalis> I'm a techno song

<splice> wow, irc really loses its luster when you have a
girlfriend
<splice> be back much later

* Dante changes topic to 'ChanServ can go suck a cock.'
* ChanServ changes topic to 'Fuck You'

Mike: give me a good hosting company tag line
Bleys: "We won't go down on you... unless you pay us extra."
Mike: thanks for your help :P
Bleys: no problem ;)

<Leonn> Apparently the military has been experimenting with
lasers that are supposed to fire at the speed of light.
<Glaive> No shit.

<Cotton Mouth> How do you describe the color blue to someone
who is blind and has never seen a color before?
<NickBlasta> 0 0 255

<Blaxthos> one time i misjudged my preshit feeling
<Blaxthos> ejected a log onto the kitchen floor
<Blaxthos> my girlfriend flipped the fuck out

<unlimitedsaga> I wonder if I'm too uncaring about others
<unlimitedsaga> I passed this guy in the hall today
<unlimitedsaga> and I thought he was asleep
<unlimitedsaga> then when I came back 10 minutes later there
were people around him
<unlimitedsaga> then an ambulance came
<unlimitedsaga> maybe he was unconscious
<unlimitedsaga> or dead..
<unlimitedsaga> is tribes any good?

<einzeln> has anyone ever noticed that when you talk to people
online, for some reason by the way they type they just seem
like a MORON?
<BuCkWhEaT> before poop: (_*_)
<BuCkWhEaT> after poop: (_O_)
* einzeln coughs
<einzeln> ....

<WaterBomb> Actually, your penis is one of the cleanest parts
of your body, since it receives little or no exposure to dirt
and bacteria.
<WaterBomb> So, in theory, sucking your own dick is healthier
than sucking your thumb
<Clicky_Pen> ...
<NickWhiz1> ...
<LavosPhoenix> ...
<Melkor> ...

<Shift_Wreck> OMG guys you gotta hear this
<Shift_Wreck> So i goes to the grocery store to pick up smokes
and a frozen pizza.
<Shift_Wreck> I get my things and head to the 12 items or less
line.
<Shift_Wreck> i get in line just as the guy in front of me is
setting his items down on the conveyor belt thing
<Shift_Wreck> his items were: get this
<Shift_Wreck>  a box of condoms, a medium sized cucumber, a
tub of margarine and a 12 pack of beer
<Shift_Wreck> I imediatly am thinking "lolwut?"
<Shift_Wreck> well i couldnt help but make that reverse nasal
snort sound you make when your trying to keep from laughing.
<Shift_Wreck> well  i couldnt help but make that reverse nasal
snort sound you make when your trying to keep from laughing.
<Shift_Wreck> oops
<Shift_Wreck> the guy and cashere must have heard it because
they both turn to look at me
<Shift_Wreck> im grinning from ear to ear now and my eyes are
darting from the guys face and the items he had on the belt
<Shift_Wreck> i catch the casheirs eye and i look at her and
shes looking at me like 0_0 and shaking her head "no dont!"
<Shift_Wreck> this all was a few seconds but it felt like an
eternity...
<Shift_Wreck> well i finaly says to myself: "shift, youve gone
this far, may as well say something"
<Shift_Wreck> so i say to the guy (still with this huge grin)
"going to a party?"
<Shift_Wreck> The girl just loses it and starts laughing
<Shift_Wreck> the guy just scowls at me
<Shift_Wreck> looks to the girl
<Shift_Wreck> and walks away leaving his items there at the
checkout
<Shift_Wreck> it was kinda awkward
<Shift_Wreck> pizzas good though

<Vision> you never know the true meaning of pacman til you are
underaged driving around after curfew with an expired license
plate and a broken tailight

(lawl_) i like my women how i like my wine, 5 years old
(DevilsX) I like women the way I like my filesystem
(DevilsX) FAT and 16

EmoKidDavey: I once masturbated 24 times in 24 hours
Fallen Tabris: O_O
Fallen Tabris: That's really unhealthy.
Fallen Tabris: How much juice did you get out?
Fallen Tabris: when you have so little left, is it even called
masturbating any more?
Fallen Tabris: When you've done it that many times in a day.
EmoKidDavey: yeah
EmoKidDavey: a stick comes out and a flag unfurls that says
bang

sploich 1: You know what's funny?
sploich 1: From the late 1800's into even the 60's and I think
70's, women were fighting for their rights.
sploich 1: Now, we have women like Fergie.
sploich 1: It's like, they fight for almost 100 years to not
be known as objects, then once they get that they dance in rap
songs about male supremecy.
SALawncare: then there's ann coulter
sploich 1: He doesn't count.

*** KronicD (KronicD@vw-2677.bigpond.com) Quit (Exit:
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there
are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's
either my mum or my dad......or maybe my older brother john.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's
john.)

<|Chris> i was stuck behind some car today and the license
plate read "dick 404." my first thought was "oh shit...this
guy must be impotent as all hell if his dick is missing."

<@Nickle1776> So my sister has a life-saving tool in her car
made to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
<@Nickle1776> And guess what?
<@Nickle1776> She keeps it in the trunk.

<Spekkosaurus> C: drive looks happier than D: drive

<Vanion> where is everybody from in here?
<NemoMac> Indiana
<Vanion> am I the only american?
<NemoMac> Last time I checked, Indiana was in the USA..
<Vanion> wtf?

<+Zeraliten> FUCK!! That cat needs to die a horrible death.
He's chewed through the wires on my $120 headset
<@CCFreak2K> Zeraliten, electrical tape can take care of that.
<Teqonix> What, killing the cat, or fixing the headphones?

*** rmah (rmah@24-168-58-10.nyc.rr.com) has joined #javascript
<rmah> greetings fellow humans
<JibberJim> Isn't that an unwarranted assumption rmah?
<rmah> no assumptions...I do not greet non-humans
<JibberJim> fair point.

<a_passerby> I want a :D drive instead of a D: drive

<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my
parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots
pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went
over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of
idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her
up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.

<malkygoat> i've donated 1000hours of CPU time to SETI
<ozzmosis> malkygoat: you know in about 20 years time the
alien ships will land here on Earth and demand to know why
we've been DOSing their alien network 20 light years away with
random packets

<rastakid> Which one shouldn't be there: rape - monopoly -
incest ?
<seal> Monopoly?
<rastakid> Wrong! Rape, because it's not a family game.

(kitten) One time, a friend and I were attempting to install a
CD burner in his machine.
(kitten) The intstructions were translated from Japanese to
English - not too bad a job, either.
(kitten) However, occasionally, they will come across a word
that simply does not translate, so they will use the phoenetic
Japanese.
(kitten) So we wound up with, you click here, you run this,
you do that, ho-shin-kai, you remove the disk..
(kitten) Took it to a friend's father who speaks passable
Japanese - he said "I think it means something like, 'to
breathe the mystic spirit of the dark dragon'."
(kitten) What that has to do with CD burners, I couldn't tell
you.
(kitten) But anyway.
(kitten) I believe that 'zig' is akin to this phenomenon.

<Vrooom> while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to
me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No."
He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically,
and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"

<finch|a> pie; if you sued for getting a tattoo, you're a
fucking idiot. about as stupid as sueing someone for an
accident
<Zachery> finch, never been to the states?
<finch|a> no

<rjbs> billn: you some kinda jehovah's witness??
<billn> rjbs: I wouldn't say 'witness.' I mean, I clearly saw
God hit that guy with his car, but there's no way I'm gonna
testify against him.

*** Radio_Star has quit IRC (Killed by (Video (Har har)))

<uZi`> i got a photographic memory
<uZi`> :/
<Grimmeehh> cool
<Grimmeehh> porn on demand
<uZi`> mainly for numbers tho
<Grimmeehh> o
<uZi`> only ascii porn
<uZi`> :(

<jestuh> i was trying to go the speed limit so i didn't get a
ticket but a cop got me in a school zone
<DigDug> How much?
<jestuh> i'm talking about need for speed not real life

<Maddawy> see i always wonder when i'm lookin at pr0n and
jerking off so to speak
<Maddawy> and if my mom walks in.. would i hide my dick or the
pr0n?
<cerebrus> jerking off so to speak? wtf? jerking off is
jerking off, you don't need to so to speak.. RETARD
<Maddawy> whatever...
<greeny> see this hypothetical scenario happened to me...
<Maddawy> lol.. wat did u do?
<greeny> as the matter of fact i did neither..
<greeny> see, it was after the point of no return.. so i just
ejaculated, while quietly moaning and looking at my mom
apologeticaly
<Maddawy> LOL AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
<greeny> yes.. it's one of the main reasons why i live on
campus now...

<neo_alex> stop arguing you fucks
<enz0> Maybe it's YOUR mum
<spandrick_doll> fuck you
<spandrick_doll> you just cant haxk it
<spandrick_doll> *hack
<neo_alex> that does it, im creating characters of you in The
Sims and im gonna make you have a gay marriage

<SoulBain> I think my keyboard's unplugged.

<an_ass733> My wrist hurts because I played Beatmania too much
yesterday.
<an_ass733> You're supposed to laugh now, then I say "What's
so funny?" and then I realize that what I said sounded like
masturbation, and then I say "I MEANT IIDX!! I SWEAR!!!", then
someone posts it onto bash.org and the score goes up to 200.
<Angelic_erection> well, let's start over
<an_ass733> My wrist hurts because I played Beatmania too much
yesterday.
<+odaen> an_ass are you sure it was beatmania?
<an_ass733> Huh?
<an_ass733> Oh shit.
<Angelic_erection> lol
<JAT|DWIwithCar> Haha your wrist hurts
<an_ass733> I MEANT IIDX!! I SWEAR!!

<Soybomb> On the way home yesterday, I saw a car with a vanity
plate that read: LINUX OS
<Soybomb> I really wished for a truck with a WINDOWS plate to
ram it...sadly, no.
<Druuna> unfortunately, you'd probably crash before hitting
it...

<houzit> What were you doing?
<psmylie> Watchin a movie
<houzit> which movie?
<psmylie> The One with Jet Li
<houzit> Yeah, but which one? He's in lots of movies
<psmylie> If you go Abbott & Costello on me I'll drive to your
house and beat you severely.

< relnev> cool, this 8-page pdf has 3 pages intentionally left
blank
< relnev> that's like a big waste of e-trees

<Van> huh. if you inject dye into eggs, when they hatch the
chicks will be whatever color you injected
<@Unarmed> similarly, if you inject radioactive compounds into
eggs, when they hatch the chicks will rip you apart with their
massive talons

<Imaginos> damn
<Imaginos> my neices cat ran away
<Imaginos> i said it went to kitty land, so she wants to know
where kitty land is
<Imaginos> i bring up my browser
<Imaginos> type in www.kittyland.com
<Imaginos> and then closed it as fast as humanly possible

<~Cor> you know though
<~Cor> how sometimes you get in that mood where romance is out
the window and you just want to shove your dick in something?
* ~Cor is in one of those moods
<&K> I call that mood "awake".

<|Wolf|> So I meet this chick, right
<|Wolf|> And she's like "what do you want?"
<|Wolf|> So I say, "I wanna stick my little wood elf in your
forest!"
<|Wolf|> And she's like "Die Fetcher!"
<|Wolf|> and I'm like "woah, bitch! calm yo' ho ass down!"
<|Wolf|> and i stab her in the face
<|Wolf|> and she dies
<|Wolf|> Then I'm like "told ya slut, don't mess with dis"
<|Wolf|> and i take her clothes and her money and leave her
ass in a gutter
<|Wolf|> but instead of pawning the shit, i end up trying it
on
<|Wolf|> and thats the story of how i got this cool green
skirt in Morrowind

C:UsersNetham45>tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173
Tracing route to FIN [216.81.59.173]
over a maximum of 100 hops:
1    <1 ms    <1 ms    <1 ms  -snip-
2    26 ms    52 ms    28 ms  -snip-
3    14 ms    33 ms    49 ms  -snip-
4    18 ms    22 ms    22 ms  -snip-
5    19 ms    23 ms    22 ms  -snip-
6    27 ms    30 ms    30 ms  -snip-
7    31 ms    31 ms    34 ms  -snip-
8    26 ms    27 ms    30 ms  75.149.231.30
9    46 ms    66 ms    66 ms  xe-1-2-0.atl11.ip4.tinet.net
[89.149.181.117]
10     *       49 ms    49 ms  epik-networks-gw.ip4.tinet.net
[77.67.69.158]
11    61 ms    59 ms    63 ms  po0-3.dsr2.atl.epikip.net
[216.81.59.2]
12     *        *        *     Request timed out.
13   101 ms   118 ms   102 ms  Episode.IV [206.214.251.1]
14   101 ms   101 ms   102 ms  A.NEW.HOPE [206.214.251.6]
15    99 ms    99 ms    99 ms  It.is.a.period.of.civil.war
[206.214.251.9]
16   102 ms   136 ms   117 ms  Rebel.spaceships
[206.214.251.14]
17   116 ms    98 ms    95 ms  striking.from.a.hidden.base
[206.214.251.17]
18   101 ms   115 ms    99 ms  have.won.their.first.victory
[206.214.251.22]
19    99 ms    99 ms   100 ms 
against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire [206.214.251.25]
20   118 ms    98 ms   100 ms  During.the.battle
[206.214.251.30]
21   117 ms   101 ms   102 ms  Rebel.spies.managed
[206.214.251.33]
22    99 ms   117 ms    94 ms  to.steal.secret.plans
[206.214.251.38]
23   100 ms    96 ms   101 ms  to.the.Empires.ultimate.weapon
[206.214.251.41]
24   103 ms   101 ms   105 ms  the.DEATH.STAR [206.214.251.46]
25    99 ms   100 ms    96 ms  an.armored.space.station
[206.214.251.49]
26   120 ms   102 ms    98 ms  with.enough.power.to
[206.214.251.54]
27    98 ms    98 ms   118 ms  destroy.an.entire.planet
[206.214.251.57]
28    98 ms    97 ms   101 ms  Pursued.by.the.Empires
[206.214.251.62]
29   101 ms   105 ms   117 ms  sinister.agents
[206.214.251.65]
30   100 ms   100 ms   100 ms  Princess.Leia.races.home
[206.214.251.70]
31   104 ms   101 ms   102 ms  aboard.her.starship
[206.214.251.73]
32   105 ms   102 ms   103 ms  custodian.of.the.stolen.plans
[206.214.251.78]
33   100 ms   100 ms   103 ms  that.can.save.her
[206.214.251.81]
34   100 ms   106 ms   139 ms  people.and.restore
[206.214.251.86]
35   100 ms   121 ms   102 ms  freedom.to.the.galaxy
[206.214.251.89]
36    99 ms   101 ms    98 ms  0-------------------0
[206.214.251.94]
37   104 ms   118 ms   101 ms  0------------------0
[206.214.251.97]
38   100 ms    99 ms    99 ms  0-----------------0
[206.214.251.102]
39   102 ms   100 ms    97 ms  0----------------0
[206.214.251.105]
40   105 ms   118 ms   123 ms  0---------------0
[206.214.251.110]
41   100 ms   105 ms    98 ms  0--------------0
[206.214.251.113]
42   109 ms   115 ms   113 ms  0-------------0
[206.214.251.118]
43   161 ms   155 ms   154 ms  0------------0
[206.214.251.121]
44   114 ms    98 ms   112 ms  0-----------0 [206.214.251.126]
45   101 ms   124 ms   105 ms  0----------0 [206.214.251.129]
46    98 ms   143 ms   117 ms  0---------0 [206.214.251.134]
47   102 ms    97 ms   105 ms  0--------0 [206.214.251.137]
48   101 ms   101 ms   140 ms  0-------0 [206.214.251.142]
49   104 ms   107 ms   103 ms  0------0 [206.214.251.145]
50   102 ms   103 ms   104 ms  0-----0 [206.214.251.150]
51  1067 ms   100 ms   100 ms  0----0 [206.214.251.153]
52   100 ms   101 ms   104 ms  0---0 [206.214.251.158]
53   104 ms   101 ms   101 ms  0--0 [206.214.251.161]
54   108 ms   104 ms    99 ms  0-0 [206.214.251.166]
55   102 ms   101 ms   106 ms  00 [206.214.251.169]
56   106 ms   105 ms   104 ms  I [206.214.251.174]
57   102 ms   123 ms   105 ms  By.Ryan.Werber
[206.214.251.177]
58   117 ms   103 ms   111 ms  When.CCIEs.Get.Bored
[206.214.251.182]
59   107 ms   103 ms   105 ms  read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net
[206.214.251.185]
60   105 ms   122 ms   101 ms  FIN [216.81.59.173]
Trace complete.

fuj1m0t0x: i fractured my wrist
Firehawk18: what you do?
fuj1m0t0x: playin bball
fuj1m0t0x: fell from the rim
fuj1m0t0x: my boner was 3 inches in the air
fuj1m0t0x: boner*
fuj1m0t0x: wtf

<ryan> I think I m going to feed my dog viagra and leave
him home alone with my sister.

<@MCJ> there was a little piece of soap left in the shower
<@MCJ> about the size of a credit card
<@MCJ> so i ran it through my butt crack making beep beep
noises

<Deth[EHC]> Chromium: stop masturbating imma be home any
minute :P
*** Deth[EHC] has quit IRC (Leaving)
<reptile-> Actually, that's a secret code for Chromium to get
ready for the ass reaming of his life.

<BlackDeth> i was playin CS
<BlackDeth> and i accidentally ran over my whole team with a
tank
<BlackDeth> i got booted off the server :/

KaresMexxDWNxx: last night me and tawny were in a car.
KaresMexxDWNxx: she was in the backseat reading a magazine.
KaresMexxDWNxx: and i was infront trying to get some rest.
KaresMexxDWNxx: A cop comes by and ask me how old I am.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that i was 23.
KaresMexxDWNxx: then he asked me how old tawny was.
KaresMexxDWNxx: i told him that she turns 18 in 11 minutes.

<X5> do what horny college idiot men do every night, hump park
benches!
<smackfoo> last time i humped a park bench i was late into my
teens
<smackfoo> it was a quiet, peaceful night in hyde park
<smackfoo> the bums had all been incinerated in an unfortunate
event with the department of water and power
<smackfoo> i stepped up to a cute little wood number, couldn't
have been older than 17
<smackfoo> i rubbed her thighs...er...handles, and she cooed
in the moonlight
<smackfoo> fearing splinters, i gently waxed her humps, making
sure to remove any hint of sharpness
<smackfoo> slowly, gently, i removed my pants...
<smackfoo> um
<smackfoo> you guys know the rest
<Cithorn> Keep going
<Cithorn> I'm not done yet

(@JH) you know you can get stuff engraved on an iPod? I was
thinking about this..
(@JH) RIAA v. JH - Exhibit A

<magothy> is there an irish expression for hangover?
<tReMeR> morning

<Dogan> Just try and imagine michael jackson as a football
player
<Samurai> ....
<Samurai> All that i'm going to say to that is:
<Samurai> the touchdown dances would be insane